Grief has no timetable
Why 'shouldn't you be over it by now?' is the wrong question — and what it can look like to grieve at your own pace.
There’s a quiet pressure, a few months after a loss, to be “doing better” — to have folded the grief up and put it away. It rarely works like that.
Grief isn’t a problem to solve
We tend to treat grief as something to get through, as if there’s a finish line. But grief isn’t a task. It’s the shape love takes when someone is gone. It moves in waves — quieter some weeks, suddenly loud on an ordinary Tuesday.
The “shoulds” make it heavier
I should be over this. I shouldn’t still cry. I should be stronger. These thoughts add a second layer of pain on top of the first. In counselling, one of the first things we often do is set them down.
What support can offer
Counselling doesn’t rush grief or tidy it away. It gives it somewhere to be spoken — at whatever pace is yours — with someone who won’t flinch, fix, or hurry you along.
If you’re grieving and would like a space to talk, get in touch or read about how I work. If you need urgent support, please see our crisis page.